The Sisu Mind

Observation

When I ask athletes what resilience means to them, the answers often follow the same pattern. They say it’s toughness. It’s not caring if it hurts. It’s enduring pain and staying strong no matter what. I don’t correct them, because in a way, they’re right. But to me, those might seem to others as the outcomes of resilience, not the process. They’re what people see at the end, not what gets you there.

So instead, I ask them something else. I ask when was the last time they truly failed not just lost a game, but felt like they hit a wall they hadn’t met before. Then I ask how they responded to it. Did they try again, or did they step back for a while? Because that’s where the real picture of resilience starts to form. Not in the highlight moments, but in the hurtful ones that follow disappointment.

The contrast

From a sport psychology perspective, resilience doesn’t always seem as the “toughen up” concept. It’s about patience, reflection, rebuilding confidence after setbacks. But the truth is, the work to get there is often very hard. When failure hits, it’s easy to forget why you started. It’s easy to feel like the effort isn’t worth it anymore. Resilience, in those moments, pushing through blindly is not working for everyone, some might need some grounding, understanding and a reason to still show up.

One of my athletes has been recovering from an injury. His main goal has been to dunk again. This week he still couldn’t get high enough. He was frustrated, angry even. “After all this training and rehab and I still can’t dunk,” he said. I asked him how close he was a month ago. He thought about it. I asked where he thinks he’ll be a month from now. He thought again. Then I asked, “If you burn your eggs once, do you stop cooking forever?” He laughed, but he also understood what I meant.

Resilience is about understanding failure. Understanding that even though you failed today, there is no law saying that you fail tomorrow as well, only way to make sure you fail, is to not try. It’s being able to look at what didn’t work and still find the reason to try again tomorrow. That’s the part people don’t see. The effort to stay engaged, to keep learning, to stay hopeful when progress feels slow and maybe even invisible.

Even with simple things, like journaling, I see the same pattern. When I ask players to write about their practice or games, almost no one does it in the beginning. The first week maybe one thing, then none. I don’t stop asking. Instead, I thank them for writing one more reflection than last week. After a while, it becomes a habit and that’s when we can start looking at what’s really happening behind their performance. Sometimes resilience looks like this: showing up one more time than before.

The lesson

Resilience needs three things: understanding, a plan and a reason. It’s not built by pretending pain doesn’t exist, but by finding meaning and a way to handle it when it does. The players who learn that don’t just get tougher, they get more grounded. They learn that growth isn’t a straight line and that improvement can be slow and unrecognized until it’s not.

If you’re an athlete, coach, or professional who wants to rebuild confidence after setbacks, or help others do the same, explore our coaching programs at thesisumind.com.